A life history in phases

I’ve been struggling to recover my childhood over the past few years. See, my memory contains a profound gap. I recall almost nothing of my life before I was about 12. Since then, my memory and sense of self seems like a continuous thread; before it, I know what others have told me, but it never resonates the same way.

At least, that is how things stood a few years ago. Since my summer quest to better understand my father, I have been chipping away at that wall (or, to keep my metaphors consistent, chipping away at the ledge to give me a stairway across the gap). I have been grabbing onto fleeting images, cataloging together floating pieces, and generally disbelieving that these memories are not mine to share.

Here is the product of my most recent tact. I thought to dissect who I am today as the extension of ribbons that have evolved over my life. Every couple of years, these ribbons take on a new turn– an every 7 they twist into a new core (something I’m due again for soon). The roadmap I have figured out is incomplete, but it goes something like this:

Years Self Community Inspiration Practice
2013-5 World modeler Collaborations complexity coupled models
2010-2 Dev. at large SusDev worldchanging susdev. classes
2008-9 Traveling Dev. Flame social justice TN startup
2006-7 Contract Dev. Rocky traveling signal processing
2004-5 Olin superninja Olin College big ideas education
2002-3 Growing Jimmy SCA human models dance
2000-1 MIT student ESG & Random philo. & learning study groups
1998-9 STEM geek Computer lab college webpages
1996-7 Smart aleck Lowell home self-directed edu. math
1994-5 Slowpoke Lunch gang self-discipline programming
1992-3 Basementeer Moving schools collecting BBSes
1990-1 Sleep-less Redwood Valley Elem. fantasy taking apart
1988-9 James Friends Capella Elem. invention reading
1986-7 Mama’s boy Lutheran school sister problems no naps

There are connections between all of these, which I can’t represent in the table: features that disappear and reappear for reasons complex and unknown. But for all it’s abstruseness, that is my life.

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